July 9, 2014 at 1:00 am

COLUMN

Hollywood vs. North Korea

Could a movie bring us to the brink of war?

North Korean leader Kim Jong Un and former Detroit Piston Dennis Rodman have a close friendship, but Un has been angered by his portrayals in American media. (Jason Mojica / AP Photo/VICE Media)

It’s hard being dictator of North Korea. You’re a god, or the nearest human thing to it, but you aren’t allowed any time to yourself. The rest of the world privately admires you and publicly envies you. Some even mock you.

In 2002 Pierce Brosnan played a hero in fighting against the Korean people in the James Bond movie “Die Another Day.” Only those blinded by imperialism failed to recognize that the film was “dirty and cursed,” as the government of “Dear Leader” Kim Jong-il explained.

Worse, two years later the great and wonderful Dear Leader was mercilessly insulted by the movie “Team America: World Police.” Unable to stop him from impoverishing his desperate people to build nuclear weapons, the U.S. government sought revenge. It turned loose the most fearsome of weapons against the movie-loving Kim: Hollywood.

Of course, the Dear Leader was a convenient target, with his bouffant hairdo and platform shoes. The great and wonderful man-god was too busy traveling the country giving guidance to farmers and workers whose farms and workplaces were no longer operating to take time off to retool his appearance to satisfy international critics. But he persevered, drowning his many sorrows in Hennessy cognac while comforting the beautiful young virgin girls who flocked to his side.

Now “Great Successor” Kim Jong-un has taken over the sacred mission of his grandfather and father: to reinvigorate monarchy in Asia. He has shown the way to the next century by dancing with Mickey Mouse and partying with Dennis Rodman.

Naturally, Washington has rejected Kim’s friendly demands for tribute to remedy the economic injustices created by the unfair success of market economics compared to Stalinesque central planning. Now the common criminals who run Washington — at least there is one thing Americans and North Koreans can agree upon — have turned again to their secret agents in the movie industry.

The film “The Interview” posits an attempt to assassinate Kim Jong-un, once declared the world’s “Sexiest Man Alive” by the Onion and widely referred to as “Cute Leader” by his followers. The movie originally featured Kim Jong-il. But after his shocking departure to wherever atheistic dictators go in the great beyond, the American hate-mongers simply changed the target of their secret CIA-inspired plot.

Kim Myong-chol, executive director of the Tokyo-based Center for Korean-American Peace, expressed the sentiments of people worldwide: “It shows the desperation of the U.S. government and American society.” He warned the U.S. to look inward: “let us not forget who killed Kennedy — Americans.”

While world peace hangs in the balance, Hollywood parasites are leading the attack on the true tribune of all the peoples of the world. The mocking must stop, as the boy-god prepares to lead the human race to an even greater future.

Doug Bandow is a senior fellow at the Cato Institute.