Dear Abby: Lately I have been having problems with my live-in boyfriend, ďEthan.Ē We fight about everything, and he refuses to admit when heís wrong. Ethan has been sleeping on the couch for a week waiting for me to take the first step and reconcile.
He isnít working and I am, and that is probably what has him so mad. I pay all the bills, and he thinks I feel superior because Iím bringing in money and heís not.
We argue day and night, swear and scream at each other, and he does not appreciate everything Iím doing so we can survive. I have two daughters, he has one, and Iím supporting all of us.
Do you think itís a good idea for us to have a baby?
Ethan is desperate for a child with me ó even though we canít get along or communicate.
Mary Jane in Massachusetts
Dear Mary Jane: Not only do I think itís not a good idea, but I think itís a terrible idea. Babies are expensive, and youíre already carrying a heavy load. I suspect that Ethan thinks a baby will fix whatís wrong in your relationship, but heís wrong.
Donít do it! It would be a huge mistake.
Dear Abby: In the summer of 1995, I was a 12-year-old girl living in a motel in a suburb of Cleveland with my mother, older brother and younger sister. We were poor and very hungry.
My mother led my younger sister and me to a doughnut shop for our only meal of the day. After waiting for everyone to leave, my mother approached the young woman behind the counter and asked to buy some doughnuts with our foreign coins. It was the only money we had.
Instead of turning us away, she told my mother: ďWeíre allowed to give away a certain number of free doughnuts every day. Just tell me what you want.Ē (I donít know if this was true.) It was because of her kindness that my family ate that day.
If that kind woman is reading this, I want to say: ďThank you. You made the hunger go away for just a little bit, so a mother and her children could go a day without pain. You remain forever in a little girlís heart.Ē
Ursala in Messina, Italy
Dear Ursala: I, too, hope your benefactor sees your letter. Her generosity that day provided nourishment not only for your bodies, but also for your faith in the humanity of others ó and I am sure you have emulated her example in the years that have followed. After all, isnít that what acts of kindness are all about?
Dear Abby: I became a widower two years ago and only recently started dating. Although I am in my early 70s, Iím in great physical shape and have all my hair. I am also financially well off and I think Iím reasonably good looking.
My concern is, how do I avoid becoming a trophy husband?
Potential Prize in Florida
Dear Potential Prize: That should be easy. Donít reveal your financial status and donít propose.
Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.