Dear Abby: When my husband is sick or needs to have surgery, he refuses to tell his family and doesn’t want me to. This puts me in a very awkward position. I’m damned if I do tell them because he will be upset with me, and damned if I don’t because his family won’t trust me, and I don’t want things that way.
Invariably, when he gets home, he calls his family and tells them all about his surgery, and I’m left looking like I withheld the information, when it’s not me at all. I have asked him what if he DIES? His family will be upset not only by the tragedy, but also at me for having kept them in the dark.
I’m considering leaving him over this. I don’t deserve this from him. And no, he won’t see a counselor and I won’t do it alone, so do you have any other advice than that?
In a Difficult Position
Dear In a Difficult Position: You should not be made to feel that you’re stuck in the middle. It would be nice if your husband understood that when he is sick enough to be hospitalized that YOU might need the emotional support his family could offer.
But since it’s not going to happen, he should make plain to his family that HE prefers to be the bearer of this kind of news, and the reason they aren’t hearing it from you is because he wants it that way.
Confidential to ‘Disappointed in Albuquerque’: Do not give up on your dream to be of service to others. It may not have come to fruition yet, but it may happen. There is truth to the wonderful line uttered by Martin Luther King Jr.: “We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite HOPE.”
Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.