In-state rivalry intends no offense

For many, many years, it was safe and simple. Michigan and Michigan State were easily distinguishable, each in its own place, each with its own unique principles and preferred adult beverages.

The Spartans always have liked the beer, poured to a froth in a plastic cup. The Wolverines lean toward the distilled spirits, perhaps with a splash of fruit.

The Spartans always have hated the Wolverines, and by "hate," I mean "blinding, irrational rage." Michigan long has tried to ignore Michigan State, opting to focus on its main rivals -- Ohio State, Notre Dame and Toledo.

This makes the Spartans hate them even more, which makes the Wolverines pretend not to notice them even more, which makes the Spartans even madder and madder because, HEY, WE'RE RIGHT HERE IN YOUR BACKYARD AND THIS IS THE YEAR WE STOMP YOUR POMPOUS FAT $@%*ES!

And that's exactly what the Spartans did last year, finally signaling a shift of power in our state. Of course, that shift quickly expired, displaying the shelf life of small-curd cottage cheese.

Now we're left with a confounding mix of shattered and heightened expectations. The Wolverines are 4-0, even though everyone knows they're not nearly that good. The Spartans are back to 1-3, even though everyone knows they're not nearly that bad. (They're not, are they?)

Michigan hasn't lost to Michigan State in consecutive seasons since 1967, when the Big Ten was ruled by men named Duffy, Woody, Biggie, Binky and Bump. Those were tough, decisive times, when defenses would happily remove a limb from an opposing quarterback and strike him on the head with it.

(Pause for nostalgic sigh.)

Now, Michigan and Michigan State play defense as if the objective is to chase a ball-carrier for 25 yards while yelling "Ready or not, here I come!" When people stop me in the baked-goods aisle at the grocery store, they usually have two questions:

1. "Wojo, have you asked The News to stop using that tragically bloated photo on your column?"

2. "Why do Michigan and Michigan State tackle with the approximate ferocity of overweight housecats?"

In response to the first question, I never comment on pending litigation. As for the second, I'm puzzled by that, too. When I suggest the first team to 50 will win Saturday, don't assume I'm making a tired joke.

Nothing makes sense. You have Rich Rodriguez using two elusive quarterbacks, including Tate Forcier, whose sore shoulder should not prevent him from scoring five or six touchdowns. Jealous that Michigan was hogging all the publicity for its controversies, Mark Dantonio adopted the goofy strategy of playing rock-paper-scissors to determine his quarterback each series.

Much is made of the sibling rivalry, but even that was skewed when Michigan State forgot to put its own little brother, Central Michigan, in place. Can the middle brother officially assert himself over big brother if he can't even control the littlest brother?

It's a question like that, posed in a snotty and dismissive manner, that riles the Spartans. Michigan State players called the lack of respect from their rival "sickening," but Michigan did respectfully step aside last season. With the Spartans' march to the Little Caesars Pizza Bowl in serious jeopardy, and the Wolverines on the road, desperation will prevail.

Michigan State 38-33

bob.wojnowski@detnews.com">bob.wojnowski@detnews.com

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