October 1, 2010 at 1:00 am

Tom Long Film Review: 'Hatchet II' -- GRADE: D+

Review: 'Hatchet II' dishes up hard-gore garbage

Tony Todd is the Voodoo priest in "Hatchet II." (Dark Sky Films)

Right from the title, "Hatchet II" lets you know where it stands.

This is not a love story.

It's the story of a guy. With a hatchet. He obviously survived "Hatchet I," so he's probably pretty good with his hatchet.

Being as how he's a guy primarily known for his hatchet, you could guess that he's perhaps not completely mentally stable. You'd be right.

To fill in what few blanks remain -- he's a horribly deformed guy living in a swamp who kills people whenever they enter his domain. As the film starts, he has just killed a bunch of people, but one spunky young girl named Marybeth (scream queen Danielle Harris) has survived and will return to do battle again.

She recruits a Voodoo priest, a bunch of hunters, a hot blonde whose clothes may as well be wearing a sign that says "Removal imminent" and her Uncle Bob.

Marybeth's team has bunches of guns, a couple of boats and lip gloss (the blonde, anyway). The deformed guy has his hatchet. Guess who wins.

To its slight credit, "Hatchet II" seems to know it's a formulaic piece of disposable hard-gore garbage. Nobody seems to be getting too worked up about thespian possibilities or social context and there's goofy humor scattered throughout.

This is basically an excuse to watch skulls crushed like melons, guts ripped from body cavities and torsos halved. And such things go on with relentless and disgusting regularity.

What does this say about us as a species?

Probably not much good.

But as far as a review: The movie's called "Hatchet II." What else do you need to know?

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