Trond Fausa, left, Tommy Karlsen, Steven Van Zandt and Robert Skjærstad star in the Netflix crime dramedy 'Lilyhammer.' (Netflix)
On Sunday, something like half of America will be watching at least some part of the Super Bowl.
So what will the other half be doing?
Let’s call them the vast minority. We’re talking about more than 100 million people wandering the streets, sitting alone in their homes, staring off into space, trying to figure out what to do while they’re intentionally not watching the Super Bowl.
Here are a few things the Bowl-less might try instead:
Go to a movie
OK, you knew that was coming. But really, this is one of the best times of year for movies. Many of the Oscar best picture nominees are still in theaters. If you like acting, you have to see “American Hustle.” Four of its actors — Christian Bale, Amy Adams, Bradley Cooper and Jennifer Lawrence — are up for Oscars; that almost never happens.
If you’re a romantic, or a geek, or a romantic geek, you have to see “Her,” in which Joaquin Phoenix plays a guy who falls in love with his operating system, voiced by Scarlett Johansson. “August: Osage County,” “The Wolf of Wall Street,” “12 Years a Slave,” they’re all up for Oscars and they’re all in theaters.
Then again, if you like war stories: “Lone Survivor” hits hard and has been a big hit. Or if you want to score points with the kids: “Frozen” is still going strong. The point is, your local movie theater is a viable alternative to sweaty guys in tight pants grabbing one another.
Go to Norway
Not physically, although that’s an extreme option.
But if you’re one of the millions of Netflix subscribers, you might binge on “Lilyhammer.” Everyone talks about “House of Cards” and “Orange Is the New Black,” the two Netflix original series that debuted last year, but they were preceded by “Lilyhammer,” and it has a certain amiable goofiness to it that’s addictive.
Steven Van Zandt (he played Silvio on “The Sopranos”) hams it up as a New York mobster who goes into the witness protection program in Lillehammer, Norway, where he puts together a gang of mostly incompetent tough guys. It’s amateurish at times, but that’s part of the fun. Plus, there’s always lots of snow, so you’ll feel right at home.
Grab a bite
Anywhere besides a sports bar, that is. But whether it’s fine dining or a coney, you can be pretty sure you won’t have much competition for seating, what with half the population screaming at their televisions during replay decisions.
For that matter, go grocery shopping. Or any kind of shopping. Chances are the aisles will look like ghost towns. It should also be a good time to put gas in the car — who does that during the Super Bowl?
The point is, the Bowl-less have options. You don’t have to watch the game, you don’t have to watch the commercials, you don’t have to watch the halftime show. This is America, you’re free to do whatever you want on Sunday.
Just don’t be surprised if everybody looks at you kind of funny on Monday.