Dear Abby: I have been dating someone for about six months. We fell in love very quickly and spend almost every second together.
Our relationship has hit a rough patch ever since he found out that I have dated African-American men. He canít seem to get over it, but he keeps saying he wants to try to make it work. He says cruel things sometimes when he gets mad, and it seems to be on his mind constantly.
I donít know what to do or how to make this better. We fell in love, but it seems to be spoiled because of my past.
This isnít a big deal to me. I have always dated people I thought were good people. He seems to view it as disgusting. I thought he was my soul mate because we connected so well on everything else, but Iím afraid he will never get past this issue and I may be wasting my time.
What should I do?
Rocky Road in the South
Dear Rocky Road: Give him a hug and let him go. You are the sum total of your experiences and your upbringing, and the same is true of your boyfriend. He comes from a background of racial prejudice. When a person is raised that way, the mindset can be very difficult to change.
As much as you might want to, you canít fix this man; only he can do that. And from your description of him, I donít think heís capable of that kind of growth.
Dear Abby: A family member has six cats and wants to have a holiday meal at her house. Every time I eat there, I find cat hair on the table, on the plates and in the food. I donít want to cause hard feelings, but how do I handle this? Iím allergic to cats.
Hold the Fur in Amarillo, Texas
Dear Hold the Fur: Your health must come first. Arrange to celebrate elsewhere and curtail your visit. If the relative attempts to ďguiltĒ you into changing plans, explain that you cannot because you have become allergic to cat hair and dander and your doctor has instructed you to avoid exposure.
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