May 23, 2014 at 12:09 pm

Tom Greenwood

From stupid driving to autos with eyelashes

Carlashes sell for $26.99 a pair and are glued onto the headlights so owners can personalize and feminize their cars. (Katherine Foran / Special to Detroit News)

Visually, it’s been an interesting week for me on the road.

I had experienced three different situations, one emotionally satisfying while the other two were just goofy.

Situation No. 1: Have you ever seen another driver pull off a stunt so stupid and dangerous that it had you simultaneously swearing and chewing on your steering wheel?

It happened earlier this week when I was preparing to cross Woodward Avenue. A red light had me at a dead stop while traffic passed by.

The light turned green for me, but I hesitated slightly before slowly pulling out.

Good thing, too. When I was about a third of the way through the intersection a Dodge Charger shot the gap between three stopped vehicles and narrowly missed T-boning me.

I was instantly filled with anger and outrage, and indignantly howled “where the hell are the cops?”

Actually, there was one about 100 feet away. He was stopped in a turnaround and saw the entire caper.

He hit the overheads in a microsecond and pulled the dude over within a couple of blocks.

Forget about revenge being best served cold: this was hot, sweet and oh, so satisfying. Bless you, officer.

Encounter No. 2: I was motoring down Main Street in Royal Oak at about 8 p.m. Wednesday. It was a beautiful evening and downtown was packed.

Among them were hundreds of members of what I call the “Middle Age Crisis Motorcycle Club” whose beautiful bikes lined the street.

One of them pulled out and headed south on a beautiful Harley with a windshield.

There’s nothing strange about windscreens except for one thing: he had a large pair of red fuzzy dice hanging from the windscreen directly in front of his face!

He had to keep moving his head to see over, under and around the dice that were dancing in the wind.

Seriously?

The only way his vision would have been more compromised would be if he had them attached to the front of a helmet. It’s illegal to have anything dangling from your rear view mirror in a car so on a motorcycle this has to be double secret probation illegal.

Third episode: I saw a car with eyelashes.

Let me repeat that: The car had eyelashes. Big, curvy, chrome-colored eyelashes attached to the headlights. The car, a burgundy-colored Ford, had a large “Victoria’s Secret” decal splayed across the back window and was being driven by a young woman.

I did a little snooping around and it turns out that they’re actually called “Carlashes” and are the creation of a woman living in Park City, Utah. To date she has sold about $3 million worth of the lashes in 92 countries. They sell for $26.99 a pair and are glued onto the headlights so owners can personalize and feminize their cars.

And they say America has no culture.

tgreenwood@detroitnews.com
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