Dear Abby: I just found out that my husband of 30 years is having an affair. When I confronted him, he said: “I have a girlfriend. I can’t imagine the rest of my life without girlfriends, so get over it!” Then he told me he has never been faithful, but that he loves me and would be devastated if I left. He considers his fooling around to be “safe and harmless escapades.”
Abby, my heart is broken. He has flaunted this woman in my face, and embarrassed and humiliated me in public. Now he’s angry with me because I told her husband what is going on.
How do I find the strength and courage to leave? I have some health issues and haven’t worked in years. What do I tell our kids? My world is crashing down around my ears.
Heartbroken in the South
Dear Heartbroken: Your husband’s “escapades” are neither safe nor harmless to YOU. His behavior is callous, hurtful and disrespectful.
It’s important you remain calm and do nothing in haste. You’ll be better able to weigh your options if you talk to an attorney and find what you’re entitled to after having been married to this man for 30 years. And if you feel it would be helpful, find a licensed counselor to talk to.
Dear Abby: For the last 10 years, my friends and I have gotten together on a fairly regular basis. We always bring potluck to share. While “Marcia” and I were assembling a meal, “Cindy” would contribute a bag of chips. We finally told her we thought the offerings were unequal, so she shaped up.
We recently celebrated my birthday at my house, and Cindy “surprised” me with a blueberry crumble cake (her specialty). I was delighted and told her I had been craving that treat.
As the afternoon wore on, I asked if we should bring out the dessert, but she said she wanted to “wait a while.” A half-hour later, she announced she had to leave and wanted to take the cake with her. (We often take leftovers home, but her dessert hadn’t even made it to the table.) Then she put it in the container she had brought it in and left.
Cindy is a close friend, and Marcia and I have put up with some of her quirks. But I’m thinking about confronting her about this latest gaffe because I’m afraid if I don’t, my resentment will continue to build and our friendship will “crumble.” Am I being petty?
Deserted Dessert Lover
Dear D.D.L.: Petty? No. What she did took the cake — and I’m not talking about pastry.
I don’t know what qualities you look for in a close friend, but Cindy appears to be unusually self-centered.
By all means, clear the air, but don’t count on Cindy to change. Don’t count on her for anything.
Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.