Dear Abby: My teenaged daughter will be giving birth soon, and she has decided to place her baby for adoption. I have told her that whatever she decides, I will support her decision.
Here is the difficult part: This will still be my biological grandchild. When this beautiful child is lovingly handed over to the adoptive parents, I will be losing a grandchild. I am already in mourning.
Are there other grandparents out there who are going — or have gone — through this, and how are they coping? I already see a therapist, but I would still like to know how others are coping.
Un-Grandparent in Ohio
Dear Un-Grandparent: I wish you had told me more about the kind of adoption your daughter has chosen for her baby. If it is an open adoption in which she will be kept informed about the child’s milestones and progress, ask the adoptive couple if they would welcome you as an “extra” grandparent for the child. If I hear from others who have gone through this process, I will let you know, because I’m sure they will write to help you through your heartache.
Dear Abby: My sister “Beth” has a boyfriend, “Danny.” They have a 6-month-old baby girl. Neither one has a driver’s license, and they both have low-paying, part-time jobs.
Beth expects us to baby-sit, take her to the doctor, etc. Mom is now starting to refuse to do more than baby-sit on Sunday, because she says Beth needs to get her license and look for a better job, and it won’t happen until she’s “pushed to the wall.” Only then will she realize she has to.
I agree, but I feel Beth and Danny should pursue their dreams. It takes money to get a license, and where we live there is no public transportation. What’s your take on this tug-of-war?
Big Brother in California
Dear Big Brother: Listen to your mother. The chances of your sister and her boyfriend attaining their dreams while working at low-paying part-time jobs are not great. What they need now is help in gaining their independence. While your mother may have put it in harsh terms, she has the right idea.
Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.