Dear Abby: I have dated a lot of women over the years — including actresses, beauty contest winners and models. Every one of them, except my current live-in, “Amanda,” would dress up in lingerie when I asked them to.
Amanda adamantly refuses.
She says if I love her, I should be turned on whether she’s nude or wearing lingerie. Part of the problem is she’s not in the best shape, and the lingerie would hide that.
I have tried bargaining with her, but she won’t agree. She doesn’t understand why I’m not chasing her around all the time. I have tried to explain that I don’t find a tummy sexy. She just calls me Shallow Hal.
Hal in New York
Dear Hal: I’d love to know what attracted you to Amanda in the first place, since your “type” seems to have always been women who are arm candy.
Sadly, taut bodies don’t always last. At some point, age, pregnancies and the pull of gravity can cause them to sag. By the way, with the exception of pregnancy, this can affect men as well as women.
Bottom line: If physical perfection is what you need to feel aroused, then you and Amanda may be a mismatch because NOBODY’S perfect. (And this includes you.)
Dear Abby: Besides the usual snoring that most wives put up with, I have had to endure something worse. At least once a week for the last few years, my husband will make a fist while asleep and swing it across the bed, striking me. The last time, it caused a tooth to chip, and frankly, it scares me to death.
He is by no means violent when awake.
Other than sleeping on the couch, what can I do?
Black And Blue in New Jersey
Dear B And B: Before your husband causes you any more physical harm, schedule an appointment for him with a sleep disorder specialist. For both your sakes, please don’t put it off. Your doctor or medical insurance carrier should be able to refer you to one.
Dear Abby: I am scheduled to attend a wedding later this month. Well, I just found out the groom’s uncle is not a real minister, and that he purchased his minister’s license online.
I think it is very disrespectful to people who take religion seriously, and to real ministers who spend years studying in order to be ordained. There’s nothing wrong with having a judge preside over the ceremony, but to have a fake minister preside makes the whole ceremony a fraud.
If I say anything, I know it will cause hurt feelings, so I’m keeping my mouth shut.
Am I an old fuddy-duddy?
Silent in Springfield, Ill.
Dear Silent: You are entitled to your feelings, but if this uncle is the person the happy couple wants to officiate, you shouldn’t judge. If their choice makes you uncomfortable, stay home.
Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.