Dear Abby: I am a bisexual female college graduate living at home, and an only child. I have had one sexual encounter with a woman, but never a relationship. I have, however, had relationships with men.
I came out to my mother when I was a teenager. She didn’t believe me, but did say that she would not mention it to my other parents or family members. (I have two stepparents as both biological parents remarried.)
I am considering — if I find a woman to go on a date with/be with — pursuing a lesbian relationship. However, I am not financially independent and won’t be for many years. My problem is I’m afraid to do it while I am living at home. My cousins, friends and ex-boyfriends all know, just not my parents, grandparents, aunts, etc. Do I try for my own happiness and hope for the best, or defer my happiness and only date men?
Scared To Be Who I Am
Dear Scared: You’re no longer a teenager; you’re an adult now. You should be entitled to have the kind of relationship you are most comfortable with. If your cousins know that you are bisexual, the chances are that so do their parents. However, if coming out now would mean that you would be out on the street, I’m advising you to keep your mouth shut and bide your time until you are independent.
Dear Abby: My family and I are all travelers. Recently, some issues have arisen with them about the way they regard my mode of travel. They prefer flying versus driving. I don’t. Because of my size.
I can’t fit into an airplane seat and buckle the seat belt without an extender. I’m always worried that I’ll be forced to buy an extra seat or won’t be allowed to fly because of my weight, and it is stressful. I have tried for years to lose weight, but have gotten only to the point where I’m maintaining my weight. I fit comfortably in my car. I can get the seat belt buckled, and I don’t have to inconvenience other passengers.
My family is now trying to discourage me from taking future trips with them because I won’t fly. They claim it’s because I’m single and normally travel by myself. I’m in my mid-30s and have traveled solo for years. Any suggestions on how to help them understand my choice?
Dear Frustrated: Your family may be doing this to “encourage” you to work harder at losing weight. However, if you are more comfortable traveling by car, then that’s what you should be doing.
Dear Abby: My son was cremated as he had requested, but he also asked that his ashes be spread far away from home, which would require us to take a long trip to do. Would it be disrespectful not to accommodate that part of his request? If we did that, we would have no part of him near or with us. Do you have an opinion?
So Far Away
Dear So Far Away: Yes, but first allow me to offer my condolences for the loss of your son. If you feel the need to have his cremains physically close to you, do what will bring you comfort. Divide the ashes, keep some of them and honor his wishes with the rest.
Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.