Dear Abby: I had a baby girl with my longtime best friend, “Adam.” “April” is now 3 weeks old. I thought everything would be OK as co-parents because, even though we’re not together, we get along and almost never fight.
Six weeks before April was born, Adam began seeing a girl we both knew from high school. The girl, “Jenny,” and I have a horrible past. She used to bully me.
My problem with Jenny being around is she’s disrespectful. She and Adam argue all the time because she forces things that shouldn’t be a problem into becoming a problem. When I visit so Adam can see April, Jenny often interjects her own opinions about my baby as if she knows better than I do.
I found out Adam is planning to marry Jenny. We have been fighting because I don’t want her around my daughter. Adam believes it’s not fair to push her out of the room when April is around, and that Jenny should be a part of family events reserved for only parents and the child, like taking formal pictures and such.
Am I irrational or crazy? I care about Adam because of our long history of friendship. I did a lot to help him get off drugs and keep his life together, and now here she is messing it up. I told him if he’s happy with her, then fine, but I don’t want Jenny around my baby. We cannot seem to come to an agreement unless I fold.
The East Coast
Dear Co-Parenting: You are not irrational or crazy. I’m sorry your relationship with Adam didn’t work out as you had hoped it would. However, if Adam marries Jenny, she will be April’s stepmother. It would be unrealistic for you to expect she leave the room when you bring the baby to visit her daddy. In that case, it might be better if you accept things you cannot change.
Dear Abby: My daughter “Maria’s” quinceanera is next year. We invited her half-siblings to come. But her father’s current wife, “Elena,” refuses to allow it because Elena is a Jehovah’s Witness. Maria will be heartbroken they won’t be there. Is there anything I can do to persuade Elena to let them come, or would I be overstepping?
Proud Mama in Kentucky
Dear Proud Mama: If your daughter’s half-siblings are being raised as Jehovah’s Witnesses, it would be against their religious beliefs to attend her quinceanera. While I don’t think it would be overstepping to talk with your ex and his wife and ask if their girls can come, don’t take it personally if the answer is still no.
Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.