Backyard chickens should fly coop in 2019
New York – Keep your backyard chicken coops, dear 2018. And the stiff-arm Floss dance? Stomp it out in the new year.
Among other things we’re over as we slide into 2019: Bell sleeves that need constant policing, the cash-cow otherwise known as subscription box services and Alec Baldwin’s “Saturday Night Live” Donald Trump, because isn’t the real one enough?
Here’s what we’d like to leave behind come Tuesday. You’re welcome.
No more floss
The arm-flailing, hip-swaying, rapid-fire dance craze is the new Dab and we owe it to 16-year-old social media dude Russell Horning, aka The Backpack Kid. Horning grew a sizable Instagram following through his dance moves as far back as 2014, and Rihanna reposted a photo of him well before Katy Perry invited him to do his thing with her on “Saturday Night Live” in 2017, launching him to social media superstardom.
Other celebs, moms, dads, athletes and pretty much all of YouTube are flossing their lives away. So are all the little kids in your households, once they outgrow “Baby Shark,” that is.
“Fortnite” added a Floss Battle Royale victory emote. The fisted, stiff-armed dance that involves rotating arms from the front to back over and over again isn’t as easy as it looks for some, so it has sprouted instructional videos. It also won Horning a 2018 Shorty Award.
Organic eggs, pest control, fertilizer! Those are some of the apparent joys of keeping backyard chickens. The idea is they roam around your patio, patch of grass or suburban wood, finding their way home at night. Or something. Some are confined to enclosed runs. And what happens when hipsters can’t cope? According to news reports, the feathered puffs with legs get dumped at animal shelters, sanctuaries or worse, gobbled by some predator.
Just go to a store and do your tick checks, sweet faux farmers. It’s been years now. How many eggs is too many eggs?
Gender reveal parties
Firstly, gender is not solely boy or girl. Gender can be fluid. Gender is a spectrum. A child may have a non-binary gender identity, meaning they don’t identify strictly as boy or girl. They may identify as both, neither or another gender entirely.
Secondly, have we not outgrown blue for boys and pink for girls? Thirdly, how about a surprise? How about keeping all of this to yourselves?
Gender reveal events, such as the one recently that sparked a massive fire in Arizona , have grown into an industry, with party supplies on sale and DIY tips all over the place.
Celebrate the birth of a human being instead. Oh wait, that’s what baby showers are for, and birthdays.
Ketogenics, and ketosis, and the ketogenic diet have been around forevah. But the masses got all whipped up in 2018.
Here’s how it goes: A high-fat, adequate-protein, low-carb approach to eating may be good for difficult-to-control epilepsy in children, and for weight loss and general health in all. The idea is for you to get more calories from protein and fat and fewer from carbs, in part by cutting back on carbs that are easy to digest.
And that, my friends, includes sugar. And THAT means so many desserts. Of course, eat what you want. Celebrate your health, but do the rest of us need to go without when we, say, come over for dinner?
“My sister’s cheesecake was basically a fatberg,” notes one unsatisfied enlistee.
A box for everything
In beauty and fitness, food prep, apparel and toys, all your dreams can come true in a box for a fee.
Subscription boxes have been around for a while but in 2018 there were so many they needed to be curated and heavily reviewed by media and consumers alike.
When we’re not “obsessed” with everything, we’re “beyond blessed,” “beyond grateful,” “beyond honored,” “beyond exhausted” and “beyond excited.”
No. We’re all right here in this dimension. Is the meaning of the word not enough without the qualifier? Why not allow yourselves to be, simply, blessed, grateful and honored? The same with “truly” happy, sad or angry.
Be thrilled beyond words, but do trust that language has your back. Hopefully, so does the new year.