Eight dating mistakes you can fix today
You can’t “create” chemistry, but you can to things to increase your odds. I want to share eight dating mistakes that you can fix TODAY:
1. Letting conversations on the dating apps “die.”
Someone doesn’t ask you a question at the end of the last message. A week goes by. You forget to reply. Maybe it’s too late now. Maybe it’s not worth it.
It’s always worth it! If you were feeling some sort of connection, then resurrect the conversation with a quick check-in message, perhaps suggesting a time to meet. What’s the worst that happens? The conversation is in no worse place than before — dead.
2. Arriving late to your dates.
I’m the first person to admit that I have issues with time management sometimes. I always think I can either get one more thing done before I leave the house (surprise … I can’t) or I can somehow get somewhere faster than Google Maps thinks I can (again … I can’t). I know that I annoy myself when I’m late, so just imagine how the person I’m meeting feels. Start off on the right foot — be on time. And if you are running late, tell your date in advance.
3. Using terrible profile pictures.
You say “Does it really matter?” The answer is yes. You get one chance to make a first impression. Don’t sabotage yourself. Do not post photos:
■With friends or family (even if you have a caption)
■With pets that are not your own
■Without you in them
■With you with your eyes closed or otherwise not facing the camera
■Making a duck face or scowling
■Only of your head (you need full-body too)
I recommend four to five photos only. People want to see who they are going to meet — nothing less, nothing more.
4. Getting matches and then not writing to them.
What’s the point? Dating apps and sites are meant to be used for, you guessed it, dating … not endlessly swiping without working to schedule a date. We’re not playing gin rummy here and looking to make a complete set of people who you matched with!
My male clients call and complain that they get matches, especially on Bumble, but then the women don’t start a conversation. And you know what my female clients complain about? The same thing. Don’t stare at someone’s face all day. Either unmatch this person if you’re truly not interested or get the ball rolling.
I hear comments all day long like, “Ugh, the guys on Tinder are terrible,” or “I just don’t like the quality of the people on Match.com.” Let’s take a step back for a minute. If you yourself are on said site, then it can’t be all bad, can it? Obviously no one person, or few people, can represent an entire online dating site. With some of my clients, an argument like this is used as a defense mechanism for online dating “not working.” If you claim that no one was good anyway, then you don’t hold yourself accountable. I’m telling you to be proactive and hold yourself accountable. There are bad and good people on every site — just as there are in real life — but it will take some work to find the one(s) for you.
6. Complaining about dating all the time.
I don’t believe in “putting things out into the universe,” as some people say. But, I do believe in maintaining a positive attitude because you attract what you put out there. If you’re feeling jaded about dating, then take a break, but when you come back, try to remember that dating is part of the process of finding someone.
7. Having sex too soon.
Look, I am certainly not going to tell people when it’s appropriate to sleep with someone. But, I am going to suggest, if you’re hoping to build a real, emotional connection with someone, waiting a bit before you get too intimate. Why? Often, when you start sleeping with someone, that’s all you want to do (not a bad thing in itself at all!), but learning about each other tends to take a back seat. Can relationships work if you sleep together on a first date? Sure. Everyone has a story. Do more end up becoming long-term relationships when you wait? The answer is also yes.
8. Assuming, not communicating.
People are not mind-readers. If you want something, whether that be a call, a dinner, or a listening ear every Tuesday night, then you have to tell someone. No one “just knows.” Often, people have adapted to the last person they dated, so unless you tell them otherwise, they assume that’s what you want also. Rather than “He never calls, only texts!” I want to hear you say, “I mentioned to him that I like a call every once in a while.” Then, it’s up to him whether he can do that or not, and if not, it’s up to you whether to stick around. Generally, what we think a person is thinking, he or she isn’t. Ask and communicate, don’t assume.
While these pointers may seem like common sense, when it comes to dating, common sense often goes out the window. (It’s amazing what emotions can do to our brains, right?) So, use these pointers to fix your dating mistakes today.