Abby: Cheating wife pops his illusion
Dear Abby: I always thought that “Lana,” my wife of 14 years, and I had the perfect marriage. When I discovered she was having an affair, it hit me like a train wreck. After many weeks of trying to discover who she really is, I found out she has had several affairs throughout our marriage.
I still love my wife and feel I could forgive her and regain my trust in her. The problem is, she says she is trying to recover from her actions, so she can no longer hear about my problems or respond to any of my questions.
Lana is now saying I need to see someone to discuss our issues with. We are already seeing a marriage counselor, but I suspect he is too connected to us as a couple. What do you think?
Lost In Limbo
Dear In Limbo: I think the marriage counselor should have made clear to you and your wife that in order for trust to be rebuilt, it takes LOTS of dialogue and listening on the part of both spouses. And painful as it may be for Lana, she owes you the answers to your questions.
That said, I think she is correct in suggesting you talk to someone individually. With the help of a licensed psychotherapist — someone who is there JUST FOR YOU — you may be able to rationally decide whether your wife is capable of being the person you assumed she was, and if staying married to her is the best thing for you.
Dear Abby: I am being married to the man of my dreams next month. “Jon” and I love each other and are excited to celebrate our life as husband and wife together with our families and friends.
I have a 6-year-old daughter from a previous relationship, and after talking to her, she told me she would like to walk me down the aisle instead of being our flower girl. I love the idea, and so does Jon.
I will have to talk to my dad about it, because I know he was looking forward to it although we do NOT have a close relationship. I have lived on my own since I was 17. How do I communicate to him in an appropriate way that my daughter, who has been my family for the past six years, will walk me down the aisle and not him?
Dear Confused: Because you aren’t close to your father, this may not come as a shock to him. However, if he was asked to walk you down the aisle, he may be very hurt and it could cause a rift.
Be as diplomatic as possible when you break the news. Start by saying, “I was talking about the wedding with little ‘Jennifer,’ and she came up with an idea Jon and I think is adorable. Instead of being our flower girl, she wants to walk me down the aisle. We feel it would bring our little family even closer together. I hope you don’t mind. ...”
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