Abby: Woman says she’s no ‘status digger’

Dear Abby
Jeanne Phillips

Dear Abby: I have been seeing “Tony” for a few weeks. He is kind, caring and will make a great boyfriend, husband and father someday. My problem with him is he thinks I’m a “status digger.” (It’s similar to a gold digger, but he means I care only about someone’s standing in the community.) His rationale is based on my friendships.

I come from a privileged background. While some acquaintances in my circle are spoiled and superficial, my close friends and I are not. Because I grew up here, it was only natural I’d date guys from a similar background. While I was not opposed to dating outside my social circle, the opportunity never presented itself.

Abby, I have never measured a guy because of his position in society. The thought never occurred to me. I admit I would probably be more inclined to date someone from a similar background because that’s what I’m familiar with, but I don’t think this makes me a social climber, status digger or elitist.

How should I address this with Tony?

Just Me in Houston

Dear Just Me: Tony may come from a blue-collar background. Because he perceives you and your friends as having had so much given to you, he may feel inadequate, so he’s putting you on the defensive by accusing you of being solely interested in social status. Of course, that’s stereotyping, and it isn’t fair to you. Because someone comes from inherited status/wealth there is no guarantee that it won’t disappear. That’s the reason some women prefer self-made men to those from a privileged background.

You and Tony should have a frank talk. When you do, suggest that before he assumes any more preconceptions about you are true, he should get to know you — because if he doesn’t, he will miss out on someone who is not only very nice, but who thinks HE has a lot to offer.

Dear Abby: My husband and I have an ongoing disagreement. When there is special food in the house, something we both like, he feels free to eat as much of it as he wants and not leave any for me.

His argument is that if it’s around I would have had “plenty of time to get my share.” I don’t think it should be up to him to tell me how much to eat and when. It’s particularly upsetting if I have invested hours in preparing a dish only to find that it’s gone when I want my second helping. Am I wrong?

Where’s My Beef?

Dear Where’s: I don’t think so. Your husband is behaving like a greedy child. If you’re cooking in large quantities, try this: Prepare only enough for two portions for a while — a LONG while.

Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.