Dear Abby: Woman raped by friend’s fiancé must share her secret burden
Dear Abby: Six months ago, my best friend’s fiancé raped me. He is a man I’ve known for many years, and I didn’t see it coming. I became pregnant, but had a miscarriage two months later. I recently had to have a hysterectomy from damage incurred from the rape and the miscarriage.
I never went to the police or pressed charges, and very few people are aware of the whole horrific experience. I have been beyond traumatized by what happened.
My best friend knows nothing about it, and I have been unable to face her since that awful night. We text now and then, and she keeps asking why I have suddenly dropped out of her life. I don’t know if I can tell her the truth. We were as close as sisters, and I honestly miss her like crazy, but I can’t be part of her life if this monster is in it.
Do I tell the truth? Or do I just shut her out of my life? This has taken a physical and emotional toll on me. Please give me some advice.
Missing A Friend in Canada
Dear Missing: Gladly. Find the nearest rape and sexual assault treatment center in your province and make an appointment! You need more help than anyone can give you in a letter, and the people there can counsel you not only on what to do, but also what your options are at this point. Your friend should absolutely be informed about what she’s getting into if she marries your rapist, but I do not recommend that you tell her until you have strong emotional support beside you.
Dear Abby: I had a closet full of clothes I found hard to part with, although they no longer fit me. Usually, I give my gently used clothes to my local donation center, but for the past year I have held onto some expensive designer items that I’m hoping to fit into again.
My sister-in-law helped me move recently and asked me if she could have some of the items. I was happy to give them to her because I could see how much she liked them.
I’ve just learned she took the items to a consignment store and sold them. If I had known she was going to sell my clothes, I wouldn’t have given them. I feel deceived, and the money she received should belong to me. Should I address this issue with her or keep pretending that I know nothing about it?
Swindled in The South
Dear Swindled: I’m not sure “swindled” is the word I would choose, but I agree you were taken advantage of because you were led to believe your SIL wanted the clothing for herself. Because “once a gift is given it belongs to the recipient to do with as she (or he) pleases,” I don’t think you should confront her now. Bide your time, and when she asks you for more things in the future — and she will — that would be the appropriate time to refuse and tell her the reason why.
Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.