Dr. Roach: She fears telling racist parents of new beau
Dear Abby: I am 18 and live with my parents. I have a part-time job and I also attend a local university. My parents and I have always gotten along, and I have been obedient and respectful of their rules.
I have suffered from depression for years, but now I have finally met someone who makes me happy and feel like I am worth something. Abby, he is of a different race. This doesn’t mean anything to me. I know he’s a great guy and I really like him. The problem is, my parents are very racist.
They have done so much for me that I feel guilty dating someone they don’t approve of. They have told me to never date someone like that. I am torn and ashamed of them, and I don’t know what to do.
How do I break it to them? Am I wrong for being with a genuine, amazing guy who finally makes me happy?
Finally Met Someone
Dear Finally Met Someone: I’m glad you are finally feeling better about yourself as a person, but before discussing this with your parents, it would be better if you separate the issues of your chronic depression and your feelings for this young man.
If this relationship were to end for some reason, would you cycle back down? If your parents react badly — as they may — would you be able to live independently? Are your parents capable of moderating their attitude about people of a different race? And because racism can be universal, how does his family feel about YOU?
Please consider these questions carefully, because until you have the answers and are prepared to be out on your own, I don’t think you should make any announcements.
Dear Abby: Our married son and two young children live in Kurdistan, Iraq. They are volunteering for a charity that helps Syrian refugees. While we admire their noble efforts, we struggle with the daily sacrifices this brings to our whole family.
We work full time and could save up to visit them, but because we are not comfortable with their choice to live in this dangerous part of the world, we continue to refuse their invitation.
What do you advise? Are we being self-centered?
So Far Away
Dear So Far Away: No, you are being rational and self-protective. Not only do I not think you are self-centered, I’m suggesting you keep them in your prayers and use Skype or video chatting to stay in contact.
Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.