Abby: Wife in loveless marriage seeks more intimacy

Dear Abby
Jeanne Phillips

Dear Abby: The wedding night I had dreamed about forever was supposed to be the most romantic and amazing of my life with the one person I can’t live without. Instead, it was the most humiliating experience I have ever had. I dressed in a beautiful negligee, and my husband didn’t even take a second look at me. I was so embarrassed, I rolled over and pretended to fall asleep. That was my big night, the one night I’ll never get again.

This same man brags about the sexual encounters he had with his ex-wife, cyber sex and his 13-hour sexathon. When I try to touch him, he seems repulsed and pulls away. My heart can’t take the never-ending rejection and the nights of crying because I don’t know what I have done wrong.

The sad thing is, I’m pretty sure he has never even noticed. Even an intimate kiss would be enough for me now. I dream of a man who loves me so much he stares at me from across the room, who can’t wait to get his hands on me even if it’s just for a second. Unfortunately, that’s not my marriage. Don’t I deserve happiness? And will this ever change?

Untouched in Texas

Dear Untouched: Of course you deserve happiness. But nothing will change until you start asking questions and demand answers. The only thing you have done “wrong” is to have tolerated the status quo.

Has it occurred to you that your husband has been lying to you about his sexual exploits? He may be impotent, gay, or so hooked on cyber porn that there is nothing left for you. Make it your business to find out. Ask him. And if he isn’t forthcoming, talk with his ex-wife. If your marriage was never consummated, you may be entitled to an annulment.

Dear Abby: I recently had an interesting conversation with a friend after a funeral. It was about cremation versus burial, and I’d be interested in your thoughts and those of your readers.

We noted that cremation has become more common, and guessed that one of the main reasons might be funeral and plot costs. After thinking about it, we thought there might be other considerations propelling people toward the practice of cremation.

In modern society, individuals and families seem less tied to one area, and also, larger communities make it more difficult to make trips to cemeteries. Any insight?

Plotting And Planning

in Arizona

Dear Plotting And Planning: Cremation is nothing new. It has been practiced since ancient times — 5,000 years ago and possibly even longer than that. The early Romans did it, but with the rise of Christianity, it fell out of favor. (It is accepted by the Christian religion today.) Buddhists, Hindus and Sikhs commonly cremate their deceased. However, it is opposed by traditional Jewish culture, which believes our bodies belong to God and we are not supposed to actively destroy God’s property, and by the Muslim religion.

You and your friend have covered the major considerations that make people choose cremation instead of burial. I would only add that in the past, I have heard from readers who could not bear to part with the remains of their loved one, and who have kept the ashes in their home. Others would like to have their own ashes co-mingled with their loved one’s at the appropriate time and placed in a columbarium.

However, if readers have anything that they would like to add, I’ll share some of their input with you.

Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.