Abby: Mom’s marriage motives questioned by older man
Dear Abby: I am a 63-year-old man living with a 28-year-old woman. She has three children, ages 2, 6 and 7, who live with us every other weekend. I’ve fallen in love with them. We plan to get married soon, and I want to be sure the kids are secure when I’m gone.
I have an erectile dysfunction problem. She says she doesn’t care about sex, but I’m worried she will stray. I was 28 once, and that’s all I thought about. I’m afraid she is marrying me for her own benefit — the house, Social Security and my business.
I love her and her children dearly. She says she loves me, but I’m just not sure. Can you help me figure out what to do?
Too Good To Be True?
Dear Too Good: If you have ANY doubts about marrying this woman, then don’t. However, if you do decide to marry her, first discuss this with your legal adviser and be sure you have an ironclad prenuptial agreement.
As to providing for her little ones in the event of your demise, discuss that with a lawyer who specializes in wills and trusts and who can advise you about the best way to leave money/assets in trust for them after they have reached a certain age — so the money can’t be dissipated prematurely.
Dear Abby: Our parents have been dead for 25 years. Along the way, we have also lost sisters, nieces and cousins. Every year when we gather for a family reunion, part of it is a candle lighting and spoken remembrance of those loved ones we have lost. Some in my family get teary-eyed or cry.
My husband refuses to attend my family reunions because of this. He says my relatives have issues and need to see a mental health professional. He makes fun of us and the way we are together. I have a large family with many offspring. Do you agree we are “crazy” for the remembrance and the tears?
Loves My Family in Georgia
Dear Loves: No, I do not. During a ceremony such as you have described, tears can be a healthy display of emotion. However, I do think your husband’s comments are insensitive and judgmental, and he’s doing the right thing for everyone by staying away. Feeling as he does, far away is where he belongs.
Dear Abby: My wife, who is a Realtor, is upset because a couple of our best friends listed their home with someone else. My wife feels they should have had the decency to at least notify her that they were going to give the listing to another Realtor. My wife had sold them their home a few years ago. Your thoughts?
Miffed in Miami
Dear Miffed: No law says this couple was obligated to have your wife represent them. I suspect that they didn’t inform your wife because they wanted to avoid an uncomfortable conversation. If she would like to know the reason they listed their home with someone else, she should ask them. It’s possible the other Realtor offered services beyond what your wife does.
Dear Abby: My husband of 15 years helps with the kids and with the housework. But he never remembers holidays and special occasions. I’ve talked to him about how hurtful this is, but it never helps. I want him to think about me and put some effort into getting me something. My friends say, “How can you complain? He helps you do housework!” What do you think?
Wife Of An
Dear Wife: If the problem is that he doesn’t know what to buy for you, offer suggestions. If he simply can’t remember the date — and some spouses don’t — start “reminding” him a week in advance. If he still doesn’t “pop,” then appreciate the fact that you have a husband who tries every day to show you he loves you by making your life easier. Many women aren’t so lucky.
Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.