Abby: Pair’s open relationship may close theirs

Dear Abby
Jeanne Phillips

Dear Abby: I’m a 24-year-old woman who lives with my boyfriend. We have a child. Before we started living together, we discussed having an open relationship. We realized how messy it can be, so we agreed on having a “free pass” with ONE person, ONE time. I have met that person; it is a woman.

At first, my boyfriend was OK with it. But now that I’m ready to do it, he’s acting jealous. I told him I would stand by his side if he changed his mind about me doing this, but I’m excited to experience this alone and not have him involved. Help, please?

Carrying Out The

Plan in California

Dear Carrying Out: Your boyfriend may be feeling insecure because he is afraid of losing you. But this is what he agreed to — a “free pass” with one person. If you feel you need to further explore your sexuality and he is unwilling to allow it, then it’s time to rethink your relationship with him because you may not be as suited to each other as you both thought.

And, by the way, the same may be true for him. If he needs someone who is a one-man woman, then you may not be it.

Dear Abby: My son “Pete” is a felon who has one more year left on parole. He married a professional “psychic” he met online who we believe has borderline personality disorder. There have been several instances of serious physical abuse toward my son. He is constantly trying to adapt to her ever-changing moods to reduce these conflicts, to no avail.

Yesterday she smashed a coffee pot into Pete’s face, causing a 3-inch gash. Then she took his guitar and smashed in the windows of his truck. When she’s not violent, she threatens to kill herself. She recently moved here from the U.K. and must be with her husband for at least a year to establish citizenship. Pete wants to stick it out for the sake of his wife’s daughter.

I think he should report the incident to the police, but he’s afraid she’d create a “he said/she said” situation that might send him back to jail. Any thoughts Abby?

Desperate Mom in Maryland

Dear Desperate Mom: For his own safety, your son shouldn’t keep living with someone with this volatile woman. When she acts out again — notice I didn’t say “if” — I agree he should call the police and make a report. He should also get emergency room treatment and have his injuries photographed.

If his parole officer doesn’t know what has been going on, he or she should be informed. If Pete thinks his wife could harm her daughter, he should report it to child protective services.

He should never have allowed himself to be held hostage by her threats to kill herself, which is classic emotional blackmail. Your son should end this “citizenship” marriage.

Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.