Abby: Wife may lose family if she leaves them for lover

Dear Abby
Jeanne Phillips

Dear Abby: I live in Israel, and for the past five years I’ve been having an affair with a great guy I’ll call Yuri. I married very young to a man who is kind and very Orthodox. I love my children and grandchildren.

Yuri thinks we should leave our spouses and make a fresh start. (I’m not Orthodox and neither is he.) I am afraid if I do, I may lose my children and grandchildren. On the other hand, I can’t survive without Yuri.

I have always had lovers since I discovered how Orthodox my husband is — it’s a survival thing. I am going nuts. What should I do?

In Turmoil in Israel

Dear In Turmoil: Consider VERY carefully what a new life with Yuri will cost you, because it’s going to be emotionally expensive. Right now you are part of a community, with standing in that community. If you leave it, all of that will be gone, and you will likely be shunned.

While running away with your lover may seem romantic, I would be very surprised if it didn’t spell the end of your relationship with your children and grandchildren.

A decision like this should not be taken lightly; it needs to be made rationally. If you are “going nuts,” you are NOT thinking rationally, so please, discuss this with a counselor more familiar with Orthodox custom than I.

Dear Abby: I am a 25-year-old woman. My parents divorced when I was young. I kept in contact with my father until he dropped out of my life when I was around 11.

I came across Dad again on Facebook recently. He’s now in a domestic partnership with another man. It wasn’t a shock because Mom had told me some time ago she had suspected he was gay.

What upset me were several posts he made about wanting a happy family with his partner. I know the family he made with Mom may not have been his ideal, but my sister and I ARE his family.

I feel like we were tossed aside for this idea of a new family, which seems cold and callous. I haven’t mentioned it to my sister because I think she’d find it upsetting.

I want to confront Dad, but also think it might be best to just leave it alone.

Any advice?

Uncounted in California

Dear Uncounted: I think you should contact your father, start a dialogue with him and ask why he dropped out of your life.

His reason may be that he was made to feel that his presence in your life was unwelcome, or a fear that you would not be able to accept his sexual orientation.

It seems strange to me that he would leave his daughters behind for no reason. If you would like to re-establish a relationship, tell him so.

He may need to hear it from you before he can move forward and reconnect with you and your sister.

Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.