Abby: Son’s sperm donation provokes mother’s ire

Dear Abby
Jeanne Phillips

Dear Abby: My oldest son came to me nine months ago asking my opinion. He wanted to donate sperm to a black lesbian couple (for a fee) so they could have a biracial child. He told me he needed the money.

I told him I didn’t approve because they are lesbians. (Sorry, I’ll be bashed for that statement, but I have to be honest.)

I have a biracial 10-year-old son, so race isn’t the issue. Had it been a heterosexual couple of any race, I would have been OK.

However, what I told him was that if he gives up his rights to the child, I, too, won’t have grandparents’ rights. I broke down in tears when he told me all this.

Yesterday I received a picture of a newborn. It turns out my son donated his sperm knowing how I feel about homosexuality. I have tried hard to always be there for my children, letting them know I love them and doing the best a single mother could do for them. I feel I must have failed horribly in bringing him up to be a better man.

I cannot, in our home state, fight for grandparents’ rights since he has relinquished his rights. I am even more hurt that he would share a picture of my grandson knowing my opinion, and I feel horribly disrespected.

Am I being overly sensitive? Should I just let all of this go?

Disrespected in The South

Dear Disrespected: What’s done is done. Your son’s sperm is his to do with as he wishes. His mistake was in asking your opinion and letting you see the picture.

Because of your deep-seated bias against gay couples, I assume you weren’t planning on having contact with the baby anyway, because overcoming your intolerance would have been necessary.

Your son is an adult, and your blessing was not required. If you continue to hang onto this, it may destroy your relationship with your son, so let it go.

Dear Abby: My wife and I are friends with a couple we have known for many years. When the four of us eat together, it’s obvious to me that the husband directs the conversation toward my wife. Even when the topic is general in nature, his eye contact is with her to the point where it makes me uncomfortable.

On a cruise last year, when we ate together regularly, I intentionally sat across from him and, sure enough, he talked diagonally across the table to my wife.

I have always made a conscious effort in mixed company to direct the majority of my conversation toward my male counterpart and not his wife. I feel that it’s more appropriate. I really don’t think there is any threat from him, maybe just bad manners on his part.

How should I handle this? Should I ignore it, or make him aware of it?

Bothered By It in Alabama

Dear Bothered: If there is a rule of etiquette covering this, I have never heard of it. You have two choices — continue to ignore it and let it bother you, or ask him why he does it. He may be doing it unconsciously because he finds your wife to be an interesting conversationalist.

Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.