Abby: Her disappearing act ends four-year relationship

Dear Abby
Jeanne Phillips

Dear Abby: I was “ghosted” by a woman I had been in a long-distance relationship with. It lasted four years until one day she just never responded again.

We are both parents, both 30, so it’s hard for me to understand how someone could do this to a person you’ve had a history with and claim to love. It seems like a child’s reaction. I’m finding it hard to move past this, because I have no idea what happened.

I feel blindsided. Could she have been hurt or died? I have no one to contact and no way to know. My question is, how does one go about moving past this, since it wasn’t a typical breakup? I would really appreciate your thoughts.

Can’t Go Forward

Dear Can’t Go: What the person did was cowardly, but I’m sorry to say it isn’t that unusual these days. What IS unusual is that during the four years you were in a relationship, you never met any of her friends or family, and have no idea how to contact her. Are you absolutely sure she is who she claimed to be and not a catfisher?

I agree that for someone to do what she did was childish. It was also brutal, and you may need counseling to help you get over it and learn to trust again.

Dear Abby: My question may seem odd, but your advice would be appreciated.

I have family who live in another city and have a medium-sized active dog. I have invited them to visit me in my newly built home, which has soft pine floors throughout. I mentioned to them that I would like to supply dog booties when they visit so their dog’s claws — and the grit that gets caught up between its toes — would not scratch my brand-new floors. We are a family who has always removed our shoes when we enter a home.

I have tried inviting them numerous times over the past two years, but they always have an excuse why they can’t visit. Another family member told me that a comment was made that, “If we have to put booties on our dog and they want a showcase home, then it will be empty of us.”

Am I being silly and too particular with my request and thereby causing ill feelings within the family?

Dog Booties in Canada

Dear Dog Booties: Your request is neither picky nor “silly.” After paying top dollar for a new floor, I know I certainly wouldn’t want somebody’s pet scratching it up. A considerate guest would either comply or leave the dog at home. If they prefer not to accept your invitation, LET THEM.

Dear Abby: If your office or family has a $20 limit on gift exchanges, and you find a $20 gift on sale for $10, is that considered a $20 gift or a $10 one?

Pinching Pennies in Ohio

Dear Pinching: Prices are so fluid during some of the holidays that no one really knows the true “value” of what’s being purchased anymore. If there is a $20 limit on what you’re supposed to spend, it means you shouldn’t spend any MORE than $20 — and not much less than $20. If you find something marked $20 and can get it for less, you are a wise shopper — not a piker.

P.S. You can also just buy a $20 gift card and avoid the uncertainty.

Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.