Abby: Gym client vents anger at bad-mouthing by trainer

Dear Abby
Jeanne Phillips

Dear Abby: My boyfriend and I work out at the same gym. Over the past several months it has gotten back to me that one of the trainers, “Bob,” has been talking negatively about me to some of the other members.

My boyfriend works out with another trainer there, and during his workout, I approached him and his trainer and expressed my anger about what Bob was doing. I said I was fed up and that I wanted to confront him.

My boyfriend told me to keep my mouth shut and say nothing. He said I shouldn’t take it personally, that Bob is just being a hater. He also said the person who told me shouldn’t have. I disagree. I don’t think it matters how it got back to me — it did!

Last week, while his regular trainer was away, my boyfriend trained with Bob! I feel it was disloyal, but he disagrees. He thinks I should just let it go. What do you think?

Gym Dilemma

Dear Gym Dilemma: Because the bad-mouthing has happened more than once, talk to the manager of the gym about what’s going on. Bob may not like you, but that doesn’t give him the right to make the gym an unpleasant place for clients to visit. If your boyfriend were loyal, he would have told Bob to knock it off. And he would not have worked out with him when his regular trainer was away; he would have chosen someone else.

Dear Abby: My sister-in-law lives in another state, so she often mails my daughter’s gifts to us after she buys the items online. Then she expects me to wrap them. The icing on the cake? She’s now saying I need to add bows to these gifts, but she doesn’t send any money for the wrapping paper or bows.

I think this is very rude. My daughter thinks her aunt takes the time to purchase these gifts, when she’s only pressing a button and that is it. With everyone shopping online more and more, is this a new trend, to have the parents wrap gifts instead of the person giving them?

Online Gift Giving

Dear Online: It’s only a trend if you decide to let it become one. Feeling as you do, it’s time you had a discussion with your sister-in-law concerning how you feel about this arrangement and what you expect from her.

Dear Abby: My wife of 55 years passed away five months ago and I am lonely. How long should I wait before establishing a relationship with another woman?

A certain lady and I go to church together, so we are well acquainted. I never thought about being with her until my wife died. She and my wife were friendly acquaintances.

What is the right time to wait? Six months? A year? I never thought I could be lonely. Well, think again!

Ready For The Future

Dear Ready: There’s no timetable for grieving. If you feel you are ready for companionship, all you need to do is pick up the phone and call the lady you have in mind. To do that is not disrespectful to your late wife. It’s a tribute to the happiness you experienced being part of a couple.

Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.