Abby: Adult daughter at home cramps mom’s private life
Dear Abby: I’m 54. My 28-year-old daughter, Sarah, lives with me. Our issue is MY sex life.
I have a long-term, live-in boyfriend, and we enjoy each other in many ways. We try to be quiet while we’re enjoying each other physically, but evidently we are not quiet enough. Sarah complains whenever we make any kind of noise that she even suspects might be sexual in nature. She has accused me of having sex when we were only talking.
It might seem reasonable to have sex only when Sarah isn’t home, but she’s home very often at night. Due to menopause, I have limited windows of time without pain that I even want sex. She’s living with me to try to bank enough money to buy her own house, and I support that. Am I wrong to continue to enjoy relations with my boyfriend when my daughter is home?
Frustrated Mom in Colorado
Dear Mom: No, you are not wrong. You and your daughter are both adults. She’s a guest in YOUR home. While most “children” are uncomfortable when confronted with the reality that their parents have sex lives, she should not be commenting on or regulating yours. If she can’t adapt to that reality, she should live elsewhere. It may take her longer to afford her own house, but you will all be more comfortable.
Dear Abby: I have a lifelong friend who lives back in my old hometown. We’ve known each other since childhood. “Ivy” is a lovely woman who was dealt a very difficult hand in life. She was disabled in her 30s and raised four children alone after her husband took off. Things have always been tough for her financially. Because I’ve been in a better position, I try to help her when I can.
Four years ago, her eldest child died, and Ivy adopted her two grandsons. The boys are now in their teens and, thank goodness, they love and adore their grandma. But Ivy gets no support from the system or her family. I want to help more, but my finances are tenuous because I’m disabled, too.
She lives in a state that hasn’t yet recovered from the recession, so there are few government resources available. We talk every week and she’s almost always depressed. What can I say or do to help her?
Forever Friend in Florida
Dear Friend: I am sure the emotional support you provide by giving her the chance to vent has — and will continue to be — very helpful. However, it’s time your friend investigated what financial resources ARE in place for minors and disabled adults in her state because she may be pleasantly surprised. If she’s unable to do that, you could go online and assist her in doing the research. Please consider it.
Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.