Abby: Pair fights to repair marriage after infidelity

Dear Abby
Jeanne Phillips

Dear Abby: My husband and I have been married 23 years. A month ago, he slept with my daughter’s best friend.

As soon as it happened, he told me what he’d done. He said he felt like I didn’t love him anymore and admitted he made a mistake. I can tell he truly feels ashamed. Nonetheless I am hurting, confused, angry, and I can’t stop having visions of the two of them together.

We are trying to make our marriage work. I love him, and I can’t picture my life without him, but I can’t stop torturing myself. I have to let this go if our marriage is going to work. Do you have any suggestions to help me with this?

Torturing Myself in Alabama

Dear Torturing Yourself: Yes, I do have one. But before I offer it, let me point out that all of the emotions you are feeling are normal under the circumstances. Because you want to make your marriage work, with the help of a licensed marriage and family counselor, you and your husband should analyze what led to his infidelity. Your doctor should be able to refer you at the same time he or she gives you both the results of your STD examinations.

Dear Abby: I have been overweight more than half my life. I have tried many diets and exercise plans, and invariably I gain the pounds back. I’m planning to have gastric sleeve surgery as soon as my surgeon can fit me into his schedule.

Although I have gone through all of the required office visits with my primary care provider, I haven’t made a final decision because I’m nervous about it. No one in my family knows except my husband. My parents are elderly and probably would hate it and worry about me, so I don’t want them to know. As for my children, I know they won’t like it, but I don’t mind their knowing. I will (hopefully) lose 60 to 70 pounds.

Should I tell them in advance or wait until it becomes obvious? I’m a private person and don’t want anyone outside my immediate family knowing about this. I certainly don’t want any negative or snarky remarks from neighbors or my church family.

Am I being ridiculous, selfish or silly? If I don’t disclose, how will I explain how I lost the weight if someone asks without spilling my secret?

Ready For A

Change Down South

Dear Ready: A way to do that would be to reply, “I have made the decision not to discuss my weight anymore. Please respect that.”

Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.