Abby: Man confesses to affair with best friend’s wife

Dear Abby
Jeanne Phillips

Dear Abby: I found out a month ago that my wife and my best friend had a relationship 40 years ago when we were in our 20s. My friend hinted about it, so I asked him point blank and he confessed.

Obviously, if you can’t trust someone, he’s not your friend. My question is, should I ask my wife to tell me what went on or just sweep it under the rug and move forward?

Not a day goes by that I don’t wonder what happened to make her stray, or how long the affair went on under my nose. I tried talking to her about it right after I found out, but she started crying, which is one of my weaknesses. I don’t like making folks upset, so I took the blame because I wasn’t a very good husband. We married very young, and I wasn’t ready. So, what do I do?

Hurt And Angry

Dear H And A: I would love to know your “friend’s” motivation for hinting so broadly that he’d had an affair with your wife that you’d ask him point blank. He seems more a troublemaker than a stalwart friend to me.

If you have had a happy 40-year marriage, I think you should let it remain so. OK, so neither of you were angels. “Divorce” the “friend” and let it go.

Dear Abby: I’m in seventh grade. Until recently, I was my usual happy, bubbly self. I saw school as a place to make friends and have more freedom than I did in elementary school. I was always happy and social and made friends easily.

As the months have passed, it seems like, as I look around, everything annoys me. I can’t explain why, but I have stopped talking to all of my friends for long periods of time. All these terrible emotions build up. I am angry, sad, frustrated. Now everything that has built up inside me comes out at the worst times. I cry a lot and I feel no one understands why.

This may seem like a normal middle-school breakdown that goes away over days, but it’s not. People see me crying and think, “Oh no, she’s crying for no reason again” or “Why is she crying? What is wrong?” but the thing is I don’t know what’s wrong with me.

At odd moments when I’m alone with my thoughts, these feelings come back, stronger and stronger each time. I can’t stop them.

Why am I like this?

Almost-Teen In Turmoil

Dear Almost-Teen: That’s a very good question, and one you should ask your parents, because they know you better than I do. The lows you are experiencing may result from the fact that you are maturing and the hormones in your body are changing.

However, because you are concerned enough about what’s going on to write to me, you may need to be examined by a physician.

If you need help beyond that, the doctor can recommend a referral. I’m glad you wrote. It shows you are an intelligent young lady who recognizes she has a problem and wants to deal with it.

Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.