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Dear Abby: A month and a half ago, my boyfriend of five years proposed. We are happy and excited. Most of the wedding party are my friends from college, who are like a family to me. They have also grown very close to my fiance.

One friend, “Eden,” defines herself as a “goth.” She wears dark lipstick, dark makeup and usually wears all black — lace, fishnets, etc. Her casual wear isn’t all that out of place. However, when she dresses up, the goth comes out in full force — parasol, thigh-high boots, over-the-top stuff (at least to me).

She’s invited to our wedding, and I’m concerned that she may go overboard with her wardrobe for the event. I do not wish to stifle her style or sense of self, but the guests will be mostly family and it’s a formal event. Is there a polite way to mention this to her and ask her to tone it down a bit?

Polite Friend in Pennsylvania

Dear Friend: If there will be a wedding party and you have a maid of honor, the responsibility of explaining the “dress code” to Eden should fall to her — for the reasons you mentioned. Whether Eden takes offense is anybody’s guess, but at least the message won’t come directly from you. If she chooses to ignore the dress code and “come as she is,” focus on your happiness and do not let it ruin your day. As for the pictures, put her in the back.

Dear Abby: We live in Las Vegas. Now and then family members in Europe contact us to let us know their adult children will be visiting Vegas and would like to see us. We are retired and would enjoy taking these “youngsters” out for breakfast or lunch on the Strip. But what usually happens is, we wait and wait and receive no call until their departure, then hear all kinds of excuses about why they couldn’t call earlier. This has happened three times now, and our question to you is: What are we supposed to say when they make their departure call?

Ready To Welcome in Vegas

Dear Ready: It is telling that when you receive the initial phone call, it comes from the parents rather than the “kids.” This is what you should say when the “youngsters” call: “Oh, we’re so sorry you couldn’t fit us into your busy schedule, but we understand. Hope you enjoyed your visit. Let us know when you’ll be back in town. Bye!” Then forget about it!

Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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