Abby: Transgender man kept full story from his parents
Dear Abby: I’m a transgender male who has grown up in an area where many people discourage such things. They view what I am as a sin and me as a sinful, satanic child. My parents are against anything different, including the LGBT community.
I have already gone through top surgery, but they don’t know about it. What they do know is that I am bisexual. How do I tell them that I am male?
Dear “Sinful” Child: Why do you want to make an announcement? You know what will happen the minute you do. If you feel you must say something, say that you have discovered your true self, which is male, and that you are happier now than you have ever been.
After you do that you will be free. You can then start building a family comprised of people who are understanding and accepting, which will be healthier for you than the one you were born into.
Dear Abby: My mother and I have been estranged for many years for multiple reasons. She has bad-mouthed me in emails to other relatives and then denied having done it, invited my ex-husband to family birthday parties knowing I wouldn’t show up if he was there, and gone months, sometimes years, without speaking to me over things she has perceived as slights.
I have tried many times to walk away and let the situation go, but I continue being urged by other family members to “be the bigger person,” not give up and “just keep trying.” I married recently and invited her to the wedding. She texted 48 hours beforehand to indicate she would not be there.
I’m wondering, is it OK to stop trying now? I mean, how much of this should one person be forced to take?
Just About Done Trying
Dear Just About Done: I see nothing to be gained by continuing to tolerate your mother’s passive aggression. If you are asking for my permission to stop doing all the work in the relationship, I am pleased to give it to you now.
Dear Abby: I have socialized with a group of women for the past 20 years. Our connection has always been our children. Now the children are grown and gone, one woman in our group keeps trying to include spouses each time we get together.
My husband works long hours. He doesn’t enjoy being with these men, and he doesn’t want to go on these outings. I have sympathized with him because I don’t like the changes either. I’d prefer these events stay girlfriends-only. I have gone solo a few times and stayed away a few times. But my friends are commenting now, and I feel stuck and uncomfortable.
Do you have any suggestions that might help?
No Fan in Minnesota
Dear No Fan: Yes, be honest. Level with your women friends and say you prefer socializing with them without the husbands. You are entitled to your feelings, and you do not have to elaborate further.
Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.