Abby: Baby quilt for daughter may bring sad memories

Dear Abby
Jeanne Phillips

Dear Abby: Several years ago, my daughter got pregnant. She and her husband were overjoyed, as was I. Being a quilter, I immediately made a baby play quilt. However, before I could send it, she had a miscarriage. After that, she had another miscarriage, so I have never given her the quilt, nor have I given it to anyone else.

She and her husband divorced, and she has since remarried. They haven’t had children, nor do they want any. They are happy with their decision, and it’s fine with me.

They often entertain and sometimes small children are there with their parents. I will visit her in a couple of months, and I’m wondering if I should give her the quilt for the young ones to play with. I don’t want to open old wounds, but I’d like her to have it. Of course, this is more about her feelings than mine, but I’m unsure about what to do. I would appreciate your thoughts.

Not A Grandma in Tennessee

Dear Not A Grandma: Do not surprise your daughter with the quilt. A couple of weeks before your visit, mention it and ask what she would like done with it. The decision should be hers. I’m sure you put much love and effort into creating it, but don’t be surprised if there’s so much pain associated with it that she asks you not to bring it.

Dear Abby: After my father died, I found a box of letters my late brother sent to the family when he was in the U.S. Air Force. He would have been in his 20s at the time.

The letters mention girlfriends, the woman he did marry and the time spent in jail as a result of a botched robbery. He had a dishonorable discharge. After all that, he started a new life and became an ideal father until his 40s when he decided to divorce his wife of many years. I thought his children might like this insight to their father, but my younger brother thinks it would be a bad idea. If this was my father, I would like to have these personal letters. What do you think?

Unknown in The Midwest

Dear Unknown: Your brother’s children are all adults now. Tell them you found the letters and ask them if they would like you to share them. I’m betting the answer will be yes.

Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.