Dear Abby: Husband refuses to discuss wife’s important questions
Dear Abby: My husband and I have been married for three years. He’s 26, and I’m 28. We have a good life, and he loves my 9-year-old daughter like his own child.
My husband is originally from Turkey and comes from a good family. However, I have yet to meet my in-laws. He avoids talking about my meeting them. I have talked to his younger sister and things are well and his family knows about us. But anytime I try to talk to him about money, meeting his family or starting a family, he refuses to discuss it.
I have spoken to him calmly and rationally. We have a lot in common, but anything stressful he avoids like the plague. If we get into an argument, he shuts down and walks out of the house. Recently, we got into a fight and he threw his phone at me because I shut our bedroom door. I don’t yell at him.
Every other subject we talk about — hobbies, music, dates, etc. — is fine, but the important ones are in the back of my mind constantly. He cooks, cleans, helps with anything I ask and is a great husband. Please give me some advice on what to do.
— Clueless in Iowa
Dear Clueless: That your husband refuses to discuss meeting his family, won’t talk about money with you, throws his phone at you when he’s angry and clams up when you try to talk about starting a family are serious red flags. Because you have established a relationship with his sister, start asking her why her brother behaves the way he does. You may have better luck getting answers from her.
Although you say you have a “good life” with this man, if nothing changes, will you feel that way in years to come as your biological clock ticks away? From where I sit, your description of the man you’re living with seems more like a houseman than a husband. Counseling might help you to improve the level of communication in your marriage, IF you can get him to agree to it. Something is very wrong here.
Dear Abby: I recently took a friend out to dinner as a thank-you. We are both retired, and she knows my budget is limited. At lunch she ordered a very expensive glass of wine, two full meals, the most expensive dessert on the menu and coffee. I ordered my meal and a glass of water.
Of course, no one could consume that much food for lunch. She left with three bags of leftovers, and I was left with an extremely large bill and a bad taste in my mouth. Is it just me or do you agree this is bad manners? If I truly thought she needed this food to get through the week, there’d be no problem. But this person is wealthy.
— Ticked Off in Texas
Dear Ticked Off: Your wealthy acquaintance took advantage of you. What happened proves the truth of the adage that because people have money doesn’t guarantee they have class. The next time she does you a favor and you want to repay her, buy her a nice card. And if you have a meal together, ask for separate checks.
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