Dear Abby: Awkward online photos put in-laws on the outs

Dear Abby
Jeanne Philips

Dear Abby: I have been with my husband for 20 years, married for eight of them. He thinks his mother can do no wrong. She takes pictures of me when I least expect it, and then posts the worst ones on Facebook. She laughs and thinks it’s funny, but I am really hurt by it.

To make it worse, his sister does the same to me now. They constantly have their phones pointed toward me, and when confronted, they deny taking pictures or insist all pictures have been deleted.

I have always supported my husband’s relationship with his family, but I don’t feel like they support us being together. I have deleted his mother as a friend on Facebook and no longer go to family functions. My husband agrees that what she’s doing is wrong, but offers no support. His family prides themselves on class, but this is anything but classy.

Jeanne Phillips

—Caught off Guard

Dear Caught: It isn’t classy to willfully hurt others, as your MIL and SIL have been doing. Both appear to have a cruel streak, and this is their way of needling you.

What troubles me is that you have allowed them to drive you away from family functions, which I assume your husband is attending without you. Have another talk with him. Go to another family gathering, and when you see the cameras aimed at you, tell them to cut it out. Your spineless husband should back you up on it, tell them that it isn’t funny, and if there are any shots of you on their FB pages, HE wants them deleted immediately.

Dear Abby: I’m in an eight-year relationship, and we share a 3-year-old child together. We talk about marriage, but truth be told, I’m having doubts. He has a wandering eye, which is a total turn-off for me.

For instance, when we go to a restaurant and the waitress walks up to assist us, as soon as she turns around, he automatically glues his eyes on her backside. I don’t say anything about it, but it’s so annoying. Should I say anything or just continue to pretend that I don’t see?

— Bothered in Louisiana

Dear Bothered: Many men ogle, but for most of them, it’s only their eye that wanders. Because it bothers you so much you may not want to move the relationship forward, by all means speak up. Pretending not to notice has changed nothing. After eight years of silence, I think it’s time to set the father of your child straight, don’t you?

Dear Abby: I have wonderful neighbors. They own a fish market in Chinatown. Since they moved in three years ago, he has given me fish almost every other week. My dilemma is, he speaks almost no English, and she speaks only broken English. Some of the fish he gives me I don’t use, so I offer it to another neighbor or throw it out.

I would like to tell him which fish I prefer, but don’t want to seem ungrateful or like it’s shopping from home. Any suggestions on how to handle this?

— Grateful in New York

Dear Grateful: You might “innocently” mention which fish you especially appreciate when he brings it to you, but other than that, I think you should be grateful for your neighbor’s generosity and forget about “placing an order” for something you’re not paying for. You should also make an effort to reciprocate in some way so the man and his wife are not doing all the giving.

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