Dear Abby: Confront mom in person about tattling
Dear Abby: I have recently found out that someone I thought was a good friend is the person who snitched and got my daughter in serious trouble at school. Our daughters attended the same preschool, middle school and high school. Although they were friends, the friendship was more between us moms.
Before middle school graduation, the students had an outing at the beach. Some of the girls, my daughter included, decided to bring vodka and orange juice. A few days later, my daughter was called to the principal’s office where she was thoroughly reprimanded. Any awards she was to receive were rescinded. I learned from one of the teachers that this “friend” is the person who turned her in.
Why didn’t she come to me and tell me? I almost feel like she wanted my daughter to get in trouble. I have run into her a couple of times and have been cold and distant, but I want to confront her. I was going to write and tell her why. Do you think this is a good idea?
— Furious in Florida
Dear Furious: I don’t blame you for being upset, but an eighth-grader bringing alcohol to a school celebration is wrong on many levels. I do NOT advise putting anything in writing. Convey your message and get the answer you want by doing it directly, face to face.
Dear Abby: Thirty years ago, I dated a guy I’ll call Allen. We had a child together. Our relationship ended when I found out I was pregnant. He married a woman he chose over me. I later married someone else, whose name is on my child’s birth certificate.
Fast-forward 30 years. We are now back in each other’s lives. I told my son about his biological father, and they are getting to know each other. Allen has children from his marriage, which lasted about 25 years. His wife is now deceased.
Allen’s two other children and his parents and extended family know nothing about our son. He’s afraid to tell them, although it was before they were born and before he was married. Do you think he should tell everyone?
—Secret Keeper in California
Dear Secret Keeper: Yes, I do. As you stated, this happened before his marriage to his late wife, and your (and his) son should not be regarded as a shameful secret. However, I cannot make this decision FOR Allen, and neither should you. If he isn’t strong enough to stand up and stand by his first child, then you should reconsider your relationship with him.
Dear Abby: My wife and I have been married 50-some years. While we were discussing sex and the pandemic, she revealed that she could imagine having sex with someone while both of them were masked. I said no, the masks would become superfluous and would go just before the clothes. Who is right?
— Hypothetically Speaking
Dear H.S.: Are you serious? Your wife gave you some valuable information that you are ignoring. Where is your sense of humor? Try it. You might like it and discover the masks stay on until, in the heat of passion, they slip off (or not).
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