Dear Abby: Wife is unsettled by man’s obsession with amputation

Dear Abby
Jeanne Philips
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Dear Abby: My husband and I have been married for six mostly blissful years, but recently, some of his fantasies have started to worry me. About six months ago, he told me he had an attraction to women with amputations. Naturally, I was confused. I didn’t even know that was a “thing,” but I accepted it, even though I thought it was odd.

Three months ago, he asked to do some role playing, where we hid my leg under a towel to give the appearance of having a below-the-knee amputation, which he says is his favorite. I didn’t like it, but I went ahead with it. But now things are getting to be too much for me. He recently told me that not only does he find amputees attractive, but he wants to be one. What do I do?

In Weird Territory

Jeanne Phillips

Dear I.W.T.: The name for your husband’s fetish is body integrity identity disorder. It is important that you learn more about it, and I am recommending you do some research on the subject. You will find the information on the internet. You should also consult a licensed psychotherapist to help you decide whether this fetish is something you are prepared to live with or it’s time to end your marriage.

Dear Abby: How can I explain that I’d like to try traveling solo (or worse, with someone else) to my overly sensitive sister-in-law? We have known each other for many years. I am divorced and she’s widowed. We have been on a handful of trips together in recent years, and after every one of them, I said to myself, “Never again!” She can be extremely annoying.

She talks ALL THE TIME and complains nonstop. Her feelings are easily hurt, and she’s the least self-aware person I know. I have traveled with friends without any issues. I asked a couple of them about this, but got no answers. She already asked (last year/pre-pandemic), “Where will we go next?” Help!

Bothered Beyond Belief

Dear B.B.B.: Do not raise the subject of travel with her. Make plans with someone with whom you would like to enjoy the experience and, when your SIL asks, respond honestly. Tell her – as gently as you can – that it’s not going to happen because the last times you traveled together she complained nonstop and spoiled the trip for you. If she has amnesia, give her chapter and verse. Will she like hearing it? No. Will it solve your problem? Absolutely – IF you can summon the courage to set yourself free.

Dear Abby: My wife and I and four friends were waiting to be served at a restaurant. All four of them began staring at their cellphones. Because I am not a cellphone owner and I spotted a magazine on a nearby table, I picked it up and started reading it. When we got home, my wife said she had been ashamed of my rudeness. Do you think I was rude?

Tit for Tat in Texas

Dear T.F.T.: Under the circumstances, no, I do not think you were rude. In light of the fact that the others were staring at their cellphones, you should have pleaded self-defense and been found not guilty.

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