Dear Abby: Woman can’t stop thinking about her husband’s friend

Dear Abby
Jeanne Phillips

Dear Abby: I have a huge crush on my husband’s friend, “Shane.” I think about him daily and fantasize about him every night. He used to come into the place where I work once a month. I wanted to tell him back then how I felt, but I chickened out.

I recently changed jobs, and he came into where I work now. I made a point of talking to him but said nothing about how I feel. I’m sure he could tell by the way I was smiling. I went to the races when Shane was racing and wanted to tell him then. My husband was there and went over to talk to him, so I stayed sitting on the bleachers. When my husband returned, he said Shane asked him where I was.

Jeanne Phillips

Abby, I have felt this way for two years. My husband and I have been married for seven. When I’m driving home from work, I fantasize about Shane riding in the car with me. I hurry to get to town hoping I’ll see him at the gas station or passing by. I’m considering contacting him on Messenger. I have never thought about my husband this way. Please give me some advice on what to do.

— Over the Moon in Missouri

Dear Over: Nowhere in your letter did you mention whether your feelings for Shane are reciprocated. If you contact him, what exactly do you plan on telling him — that you love him? That you lust for him? Your efforts would be better spent trying to figure out what happened to the excitement in your marriage rather than starting a romance with your husband’s friend.

If you do what you have in mind and Shane doesn’t feel the same way, it will be enormously embarrassing. If he does have similar feelings, your husband will be devastated. The next time you have a fantasy about Shane, I urge you to switch to another channel.

Dear Abby: My grandson is 24. He was diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome after he graduated from high school. He was first diagnosed with ADHD when he was young, then, years later, as bipolar. Since high school, he spends his time in his bedroom playing video games. He has no social interactions and doesn’t engage much, if at all, with his two younger brothers. He also doesn’t get along well with his stepfather.

My daughter, his mother, is desperate for help but has been unable to find it. Most programs are designed for children or are too far away. Even trying to find a counselor locally who specializes in Asperger’s has led to blind alleys.

Where do we go to find help for him? He’s very functional but somewhat naive socially, and my daughter is fearful of him falling in with the wrong crowd. He has become depressed, and after years of turning his nose up at getting help, he actually wants it now. What do we do?

— Seeking Help in Texas

Dear Seeking: Forcing help on a person who isn’t ready usually accomplishes little. That your grandson is finally willing to accept that he needs help is hopeful. Suggest that your daughter reach out to an organization called AANE, the Asperger/Autism Network, and ask for guidance for her son. To have questions and concerns addressed and to receive information and resources, she should visit aane.org.

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