Dear Abby: Her twin sister decides she rules the roost

Dear Abby
Jeanne Phillips

Dear Abby: When my husband died two months ago, my identical twin helped me move in with her. She never married. I do all the chores — clean six litter boxes, load and unload the dishwasher, etc. I don’t know how to operate her washer/dryer, as she has shown me only once.

She doesn’t like the way I use my phone, set up files, nothing. She also drinks a lot, uses marijuana and is on a starvation diet. If I eat any carbohydrates at dinner, she accuses me of being a “glutton.”

At first, she was happy I was here, because on a previous visit she said I was her drinking buddy. I don’t usually care much about eating, since my sense of taste is poor.

Jeanne Phillips

Last night, because I could taste the dinner, I ate more. She accused me of being a glutton and a parasite. She has, as far back as I can remember, always been “MY way or the highway.”

I’m tempted to go live in my truck to avoid her constant sniping. I have no money, YET. She loaned me $4,500, and feels that any money I receive from now on must go directly to her.

Please help me.

— Unhappy Twin in Michigan

Dear Unhappy: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your husband. While moving in with your sister may have seemed like a good idea while you were in shock and the initial stages of grieving, unless you want to be her maid for the rest of your days, make other living arrangements. You are being treated like Cinderella.

Repay the loan in installments after you find a job or the estate is settled. Your sister may have always been the dominant twin, but what you are experiencing now is abuse, and for the sake of your mental health, you cannot allow it to continue.

Dear Abby: I had a man as a roommate for a year while he worked in town. “Rodney” was a wonderful roommate. After his lease ran out and he was transferred elsewhere, he came clean about his feelings for me. Then the pandemic happened, and he disappeared for two years.

Rodney is now back and wants to live with me part time again. This time he wants more intimacy.

He’s kind and helpful around the house. He’s divorced, very smooth and has a residence 1,000 miles from here. I don’t want to be “friends with benefits.” I don’t know him well enough to know if I want more. But I enjoy his company a lot. I am in my 60s and young-looking — so why not just have a good time? I still don’t want to be hurt. Any advice?

— Roommate Romance in California

Dear Roommate: Sex with you should not be part of Rodney’s lease agreement. What he is proposing seems more like a business deal than an attempt to court you.

If you are looking for a relationship that could lead to “something more,” do not jump into this without carefully weighing the pros and cons, including the emotional risk involved. If you were willing to settle for a “good time,” you wouldn’t be writing to me.

Dear Abby: What is the proper response when someone tells you their relative is going into hospice? “Congratulations, that’s wonderful” doesn’t seem right. But “I’m so sorry” doesn’t seem appropriate either, since hospice is an affirmative action often welcomed by the person who is ill. I would appreciate your thoughts.

— Correct Response

Dear Correct: An appropriate response would be, “I’m sorry to hear this. But if it means the end of your loved one’s suffering, it’s the right decision.”

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